skrew da universe

So this was the longest week of my life. Or one of the longest anyway. I'm so glad it's over. I'm so torn. I want to do what's right. At least I think I do. But there is this whole other part of me that just wants to go off the deep end and just live for myself. And that part is so much louder than the other part. It's so hard to ignore it. I almost wish I could move and just start over somewhere. But I don't know if that would solve anything. And I would miss the one friend I have...Samantha...SO much. But as it is, I barely get to see her, or hang out with her because I've created all these trust issues for my parents.
Aghhh!! When did life get so complicated? Honestly I just feel like dying. If you're reading this and you are someone who cares about me, don't freak out. I wouldn't kill myself. But I just wish that this could all end. I think the suckiest thing is that I can't even play the victim in all of this...because it's something I created. I don't know what to do but crawl into bed with my music and a good book.
Anyway...now that I've succeeded in putting a damper on everyone's spirits...
It IS Friday. The only good thing about the weekend is that I'm off work for two days, as nothing else exciting is happening. Youth Group is tonight and I shall go because it is the right thing to do...despite the fact that I continue to feel incredibly out of place.
Last night Billy came over for dinner, cuz he was home all alone. We watched Oprah. It was great. *cough*sarcasm*cough* And then I watched The O.C. which was really great. No sarcasm. I went over to Mike and Laurelle's to watch it. It was so funny cuz Laurelle left just as it was starting to go to her parent's place for something, so I was in the house all alone. Mike came home, wandered into the living room, sat down and was like, "Hey." I'm like, "Hey." *Silence* Him:"This the O.C.?" Me: "Yeah." Him: "Laurelle upstairs?" Me:"No...her parent's." Him:"Is that Mischa Barton?" Me: "Yeah." The whole time neither of us taking our eyes off the tv.
He didn't think it was weird at all to come home to me just hanging out in their living room by myself. They're so cool. And sitting there in the darkness of the living room, I realized that he kinda looks like Joaquin Phoenix.
The O.C. itself was quite exciting. I'm on Seth's side. Summer freaks out over the dumbest things. She's always on the look out for Seth to mess up. I think Anna should come back. I'm glad Kirsten kissed Carter. It was going to happen eventually. There was so much sexual tension that needed to be released. And now he's leaving, so nothing is going to happen. At least I hope not. That would be devastating if Sandy and Kirsten got a divorce. I'm glad Zach is trying to win Summer back. As much as I love Seth and Summer together, this "evil" side of Zach is so appealing and it adds so much to his character. It also shows that he really really loved her. I continue to be totally ecstatic that Ryan and Marissa are back together. They are so good together and I will die if it doesn't last. They need to stay together until at least the end of the season. I keep falling for Tray, and then end up hating him. Well, now I hate him for good. He's a jerk for trying that on Marissa.
I know that no one cares...but I really needed to get that all out.