metamorphasis
God is so good. He really is.
He is teaching me so much. And I've been realizing so much about myself. I had an awesome time of prayer and devotion last night and I came to realize that my whole life I've been trying to be accepted by people. That is what has driven me for so long. It's been so enlightening to come to that conclusion. I see now that my emotions, how my day is going, how I view God and how I view myself have all been tied up in other people. Just a couple nights ago, a friend of mine had to talk to another friend of mine and she wouldn't tell me what it was about. They ended up staying up until 2 in the morning talking and that really hurt my feelings! I was so mad at myself! I was like "Why is this bothering me so much? Why do I care?" And when I look back, so many of the paths I took and the wrong choices I made were because I couldn't say no to people and I so desperatley wanted to be accepted. This issue comes up now in the form of over-analyzing what people say to me, feeling hurt or left out when people do things with out me or have inside jokes that don't include me, and constantly worrying about how I look, what I wear, how much I weigh, etc... But last night God brought me to a place of understanding and conviction and I just asked him, BEGGED him, to change that part of me. I want him to be the center of everything I do. I want to fully understand that my worth and my acceptance is in HIM and because of that, I don't have to worry about other people. I don't have to stress out so much. It was amazing, as I prayed that prayer I just sensed his love and acceptance in such a real way. It absolutley blew me away. And you know what the best part is? God knows absolutley everything little thing about me. Every dark secret. Every shameful sin I've committed. Every quirk and weirdness. AND HE LOVES ME JUST THE SAME. He loves me more than any human being who DOESN'T know those things will ever love me.
I know it's going to be hard to keep finding my complete significance and worth in God. Especially since I'm such a friend-oriented person. I love having close friendships and being part of relationships, and eventually I start turning to friends for things I should really turn to God for instead. (That's a weird sentence...I hope it makes sense.)
Anyway, this was quite the ramble. I just wanted to share this with everyone though, just in case you might be dealing with the same sort of thing. Remember that God will never ever let you down and you can find complete love and acceptance in him.
:)
He is teaching me so much. And I've been realizing so much about myself. I had an awesome time of prayer and devotion last night and I came to realize that my whole life I've been trying to be accepted by people. That is what has driven me for so long. It's been so enlightening to come to that conclusion. I see now that my emotions, how my day is going, how I view God and how I view myself have all been tied up in other people. Just a couple nights ago, a friend of mine had to talk to another friend of mine and she wouldn't tell me what it was about. They ended up staying up until 2 in the morning talking and that really hurt my feelings! I was so mad at myself! I was like "Why is this bothering me so much? Why do I care?" And when I look back, so many of the paths I took and the wrong choices I made were because I couldn't say no to people and I so desperatley wanted to be accepted. This issue comes up now in the form of over-analyzing what people say to me, feeling hurt or left out when people do things with out me or have inside jokes that don't include me, and constantly worrying about how I look, what I wear, how much I weigh, etc... But last night God brought me to a place of understanding and conviction and I just asked him, BEGGED him, to change that part of me. I want him to be the center of everything I do. I want to fully understand that my worth and my acceptance is in HIM and because of that, I don't have to worry about other people. I don't have to stress out so much. It was amazing, as I prayed that prayer I just sensed his love and acceptance in such a real way. It absolutley blew me away. And you know what the best part is? God knows absolutley everything little thing about me. Every dark secret. Every shameful sin I've committed. Every quirk and weirdness. AND HE LOVES ME JUST THE SAME. He loves me more than any human being who DOESN'T know those things will ever love me.
I know it's going to be hard to keep finding my complete significance and worth in God. Especially since I'm such a friend-oriented person. I love having close friendships and being part of relationships, and eventually I start turning to friends for things I should really turn to God for instead. (That's a weird sentence...I hope it makes sense.)
Anyway, this was quite the ramble. I just wanted to share this with everyone though, just in case you might be dealing with the same sort of thing. Remember that God will never ever let you down and you can find complete love and acceptance in him.
:)
1 Comments:
..hey.. i still love you.. even though i'm a jerk and i disappeared.. i'm so glad that you're feeling this great redemption from God.. you're inspiring hope within me. :) thanks, vanessa..
Post a Comment
<< Home